Humor wk..wk..wk.. part I

Wife      : “Honey… what are you looking for?”
Husband: “Nothing.”
Wife      : “Nothing?? You’ve been reading our marriage certificate for an hour…”
Husband: “I was just looking for the expiration date.”
Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife?
A - One Woman Brings you into this world crying… & the other ensures you continue to do so.
Wife: “Do you want dinner?”
Husband: “Sure, what are my choices?”
Wife: “Yes and no.”
Wife      : “You always carry my photo in your briefcase to the office. Why?”
Husband: “When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem      disappears.”
Wife      : “You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?”
Husband: “Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, ‘What other problem can there be greater than this one?’”
Girl : “When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.”
Boy: “It’s very kind of you, darling, But I don’t have any worries or troubles.”
Girl : “Well that’s because we aren’t married yet.”
Son: “Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.”
Mom: “Well, you have done the right thing.”
Son: “But Mom, I was sitting on daddy’s lap.”
A newly married man asked his wife, “Would you have married me if my father hadn’t left me a fortune?”
“Honey,” the woman replied sweetly, “I’d have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE.”
Interviewer to Millionaire: “To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?”
Millionaire: “I owe everything to my wife.”
Interviewer: “Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?”
Millionaire: “A billionaire.”
Mrs Arnott is standing on a deserted beach with her two children. She is angry.
You children are always causing problems. If only you could remember where you buried dad in the sand!
Why is that a problem, mum?
Because the car keys are in his pocket and we can’t get home without them.
If you don’t come out of the water immediately. I will have to arrest you. Swimming is not allowed. This is private property. Didn’t you see the sign?
Yes, officer, I saw the sign.
Well, why are you swimming in a private lake?
I’m not swimming, officer, I’m drowning

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